Baking Grain Gluten Free . . . Disaster

Every mother’s day my siblings and I get together to celebrate our mama for Mother’s Day. My sister is in charge of an egg dish because she has chickens and lots of eggs. My brother is in charge of a fruit salad because, well I don’t know why by Shan and I are bossy and he has to do the fruit salad. Who wants to cut up a bunch of fruit? Not me. But back to me. I’m in charge of an awful for you but yummy cholesterol loaded dish called monkey bread. It’s basically a crap load of refrigerated pop up rolls dumped into cinnamon and sugar and rolled around and then the process is repeated with melted cinnamon, butter, and brown sugar and that gooey concoction is dribbled onto the the already sugared biscuits and then pop in the oven. It’s deadly and I’m thirsty the whole flipping day after eating like one (well maybe three) rolls.

So this year I’ve changed my eating plan. I’m attempting to live an ‘inflammation free’ lifestyle. No grain, gluten, wheat (I guess that’s grain 🙂  dairy, red meat and God help me. SUGAR. I just love sugar.  So far its going ok because I haven’t had to bake anything but now I do and there’s the rub.

Cinnamon Rolls—Grain free

The picture looks really good. It’s from Whole Body Fitness website. The pictures always look good. Right? Here it is. The thing is that when I baked before (pre-grain-free-lifestyle) nothing I made EVER looked like it would taste any good but it always did. I’m not kidding.

Grain free cinammon rolls

Grain free cinnamon rolls


Here is a picture of a Boston creme pie I made while living in France. The cooking sitch in our house at the time was primitive. I won’t go into it but trust me its not easy to weigh and measure every ingredient when all instructions are a different language. This was BEFORE we got the computer up and running so I couldn’t resort to that and nobody had a phone but I digress. Here it is:

This is a Boston creme pie.

This is a Boston creme pie.


So I followed the directions EXACTLY. Normally this is not the case with me but I didn’t want my Mother’s Day cinnamon rolls to fail. In hindsight I should have  made the recipe at least once before the Mother’s Day party. But of course I didn’t. The problem with grain-free rolls is that nothing flipping sticks together. Butter is out (yeah I’m off that too) and even using most of the jar of coconut oil didn’t work. So I put the mess in the fridge and hoped for a ‘firmer’ result. Um, yes firmer but now they are like camel droppings. I finally gave up and threw the crumbly ass rolls in the pan and hoped for the best.


Look my 'dough' is already crumbly :(

Look my ‘dough’ is already crumbly 🙁


And how am I supposed to roll these stones I mean dough out?

And how am I supposed to roll these stones I mean dough out?


And the final product . . . such as they are. They taste as BAD as the LOOK! Comments or suggestion appreciated. Just saying. And BTW why didn’t I just BUY a gluten-free roll mix? Clearly this non-inflammation lifestyle choice needs some more research and certainly BEFORE Father’s Day!


Yes they taste as bad as they look!

Yes they taste as bad as they look!


I don't think Betty Crocker has ever heard of gluten-free diet.

I don’t think Betty Crocker has ever heard of gluten-free diet.

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Grain Free Cinammon Rolls
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